||Mon, 13 Jun 2005 20:53:09 -0500
I received your e-mail a couple of days ago. I guess you sent it longer ago
than that, but I am not home several days a week. It sounds like you are
doing what makes you the happiest - being involved in Gospel music.
Duane, I have spent the last several years trying to straighten my life out.
As you well know, I had a big problem and should have gotten help years ago
or got out of the ministry. To be honest, I really didn't know that I
needed help then, but of course I know now. At the time, I knew that I
loved God and wanted to help people, but my problem always got in the way.
You will remember that before I went to D.C. I apologized to you and told
you that I wanted to make a new start and I have been trying to do that ever
since. I've been honest with my wife, whom I almost destroyed with what I
I have been honest with her that some inappropriate things happened between
you and me - all my fault - and I also told her that you resisted every
attempt that I ever made. You and I both know that is true. I know now
that I took advantage of how much you cared for me, and I am shocked that
you will even speak to me.
Because of what I have done to Carol, you and others, it is not good for me
or you to try to rekindle a friendship. Please understand, the last thing I
want to do is hurt you more. I've hurt you enough for a life time. I'm
sure that you have felt that I have abandoned you, and you are right, that
was part of my sickness - run when things got hot. For all of this, Duane,
I am so sorry.
If it would help you with some of the hurt you have experienced, Carol and I
are both willing to sit and talk to you. Although Carol was very hurt at
you for several years for continuing to be friends with me when you knew she
didn't want us together, she too has been working on finding healing and has
forgiven us both. Naturally she could never be comfortable with me having a
one on one friendship with any one from the past, she is willing, however,
to do what ever she can to help if you may be still carrying some scars from
my relationship with you.
Carol may possibly write to you too, just letting you know that we do care
what happens to you and if there is anything we can do together to help, or
help make things right, we are willing to do. If you need to ask her
anything, we share the same e-mail account.
I do thank you for the many years that you were a friend to me. I loved
your mother deeply and cared for all of your family. It is unbelievable
that I could make such a mess out of everything. I hope you can someday
find it in your heart to forgive me - I am really trying to do right.